Tuesday, December 31, 2013

Lines and circles

I have never been a fan of straight lines.  I am not a believer in the linear philosophy of life and death, or manifested beginnings and endings.  I see life more as a circle, a continuous loop of trials and error, triumphs and defeats, growth and regression.  We never really know exactly where we are in orbit, only that we will continue to spin, sometime by our own will, sometimes by undeniable gravitational force, known to me as a higher power.

So every year as people say good-bye to one year and all their bad habits and displeasures and make resolutions, I am always a little confused as why a calendar month makes all that much of a difference.  From my past and others, I have learned not to put much stock in New Year's Resolutions.  But that being said, I do believe in goal setting and reflection and think any time is a good time to pause and decide how we want our energy to propell us in orbit.  Here's what I learned in my 2013 loop:

1.  Nothing can make you feel more like a grown up than a death of a parent.

2.  Motherhood is incredibley joyous and weighted with a burden of constant guilt.

3.  Movement is freedom.

4.  There is nothing more important than the connection of family and friends.

5.  We are constantly having to reinvent ourselves and challenge our systems of belief.


Goals:

1.  Run a 5K.

2.  Make it to Maine to celebrate a good friends 40th birthday.

3.  Improve my health.

4.  Successfully transition Josslyn into pre-school.

5.  Research my family history.



I'm sure I will have new lessons and new goals, perhaps as early as tomorrow.  We don't begin and end with a changing of a month or year, but we do adjust for the seasons of our life and each winter and time in the sun serves a purpose.  Sometimes we learn our first time around, other times it takes several rotations before we even know there is a lesson to be learned.  Round and round we go, where we stop, no one knows.

Monday, December 23, 2013

Naughty and Nice

This is Josslyn's 2nd Christmas.  My baby turned 18 months a couple of days ago and is all about mischief this holiday. She loves taking the ornaments off the tree and throwing presents on the floor.  Tonight she even tore through the stocking I made for her Grammy.  She hasn't quite grasped the idea of unwrapping or Santa, yet.  She does like to sing along with Christmas carols and pull the bows off of presents. Next year will bring a whole new level of understanding and I can't wait to capture her joy.

We have spent some time doing Christmas things.  We went to Celebration with the Barrett's to see snow and ride on a horse-drawn carriage.  She cried most of the time but at least I have the memory.

We have Christmas shopped and gone for walks at dark so she could see the lights.  I dressed her up in a Santa dress and took her picture.  

She is such a blessed child and such a blessing.  Although her moods and fits can drive me crazy, I am so grateful she is here to remind me that I have everything I want.  All else really is whip cream and cherries.


Saturday, December 7, 2013

Missed Connections

My dad would have been 69 today.  I still can't believe he is gone.  I feel a sickening weight in my stomach when I think how he will never get to see his grand daughter grow and see her fiesty spirit that she gets from him.

I took Joss to the mall to visit Santa and she wanted nothing to do with him.  She mean-mugged the entire time.  My dad would have loved that.  Every time he would hear her cry over the phone he would yell, "Give her hell, Jossy."

I miss him so much.  I find comfort in the fact that I at least see my father in my daughter.   He will live on through her.  The world better watch out!

Thursday, November 28, 2013

Rose Colored Glasses

 It's funny how after you have a child
you begin to experience everything through her eyes.  It's as if you suddenly have a filter over your eyes, seeing life sharper and softer both at the same time.  

I just experienced my second thanksgiving as a mom.  My first without my father.  Gratitude took on a entirely new meaning.  I am so thankful to have had a father who loved me unconditionally.   I am so immensely blessed to be able to love my daughter unconditionally.  To love and be loved.  There really is nothing else that matters.

Josslyn did great over the holiday.  She had a blast exploring at Aunt Jill's and as always felt right at ease at Aunt Amy's and Uncle Tony's.  The food was delicious and the company was home.

It is a a humbling thing to see the world through happiness and gratitude.  Thank you Daddy and Josslyn for that filter.



Thursday, November 21, 2013

17 Months

Loves:

Saying bye and uh oh
Minnie Mouse
Popsicles 
Running away when it's time to get dressed
Teasing jeter with food
Riding her pillow racer
Taking a bath
Brushing her teeth
Going bye bye
A snugly blanket

Hates:
The word no and not getting her way!


Monday, November 18, 2013

Smiles trump all

My baby girl and the Barrett's visited the farm for the second time this past weekend.  Well, the 2nd time for Jossy.  She loved it!  Even in the rain I was happy to be there because it brought the kids so much joy.  My friend Amy laughs at me for my contentment at the farm, as she knows petting zoos so aren't my thing .  But seeing Josslyn smile is my thing, so I will love the farm!  A bitter-sweet moment was when I realized my darling twins, the first smiles that made me take on the farm, are almost too big to ride the ponies!  Thank God they still find joy and awe in the animals and experience.  And Jossy finds joy and awe being with them!

Friday, October 25, 2013

16 candles

My baby turned 16 months old on the 20th.  She really needs to stop already!  She is fiesty, silly, dramatic, captivating, and smart.  It's rather implied, but I love this little diva!

Sunday, October 6, 2013

Miracles

Sometimes I get so wrapped up and consumed with the every day intricacies of being Josslyn's mom that I almost forget what a little miracle she is.  For years I didn't think she was possible and then out of the blue she was, and I was, and we are.  She is my deepest wish.  My ultimate blessing.  The world is so lucky to have received her.  How could I ever forget that?

Friday, October 4, 2013

Boo boos

This week was another rough one for my baby girl.  She was bit by my mother's dog and had to have stitches in her nose and lip.  It was a tramatic experience for all of us.  It has left me feeling so guilty about going to work!  I have so much anxiety about not being able to keep her safe.  She also has a yeast infection due to the antibiotics.  

On a positive note, she did experience Chucky Cheese's for the first time and had a blast!  She forgot all about her boo boos!

I still have mine :(

Tuesday, September 10, 2013

Ouch

Joss has been sick for over a week.  She is congested.  It hasn't stopped her from mischief at all.    She is also going through a hitting and tantrum stage.  My child is so willful and sometimes my patience is far too short.  Today was one of those days.  Being a mom is hard.  

Wednesday, August 21, 2013

Eyebrows

14 months and keeping me on my toes.  What a wonderful busy life!

Wednesday, July 31, 2013

Sweet Nothings




Joss and I have had a good time settling back home in fl.  She spent time with Corey...
Had a play date with Arianna and met a new friend...
Went to the beach to see the Langley family...

We've also been to the pool with the Barrett's and Cole and Aunt Michelle, visited Amaya Papaya, and had breakfast with Sara!


Life is sweet!

Saturday, July 20, 2013

Ice scream

Today is the last day in Maine.  What an incredible gift it is to spend the summer with my daughter.  It has been memorable month.  From reconnecting with our Auntie, to laying our aunt Salley to rest, we have managed to stay very connected to our roots.  I only wish dad was alive to experience the joy of Josslyn.  But being home, I feel closer to him and know that one day Joss will know that connection, too.

Joss discovered the wonder of ice cream yesterday.  We gave her a cone of soft serve and she squealed with delight!  She also cried with hysteria when she finished the cone.  She is my child.  Though her disdain for French fries does lend suspicion!

Even though we head back to Florida tomorrow we still have 3 weeks of summer vacation left.  Plenty of time for watermelon, Popsicles, ice cream, lazy naps, and frolicking at the pool.  When it comes to summer vacation, teaching is the greatest profession in the world.  Being a mom is the greatest job!

Feeling grateful and showered with blessing.


Monday, July 15, 2013

Tides and Ties

We laid my Aunt Salley to rest yesterday. It was a bitter-sweet day seeing family members and saying good-bye to my father's oldest sister.  I am so happy that my Aunt was able to meet Josslyn.  She showed my baby girl so much love and for that I will always feel connected to her.

After the burial, we headed down the coast of Maine so Josslyn could experience the frigid coastal waters!  It was her first time at the ocean and she loved it!  We had a fish fry on the water and enjoyed a gorgeous day.  I am comforted that as I say good bye to a huge part of my Maine ties, I am building new connections to this beautiful state with my daughter.  She will know and feel that Maine runs through her blood, as does my father, my aunt, and all our other Elliott and Salley ancestors.  




Saturday, July 6, 2013

My Yankee Doodle

The 4th of July was filled with family, sun, swimming, and lots of hamming it up!  Josslyn loved being with her great aunts, uncles and cousins!

Summers in Maine will definitely become a yearly thing!



Lazy summer

I'm not used to not having to work in the summer.  This is my first real summer off in a very long time.  Two summers ago I was doing an education study in Africa (not exactly relaxing) and last summer I had a baby.  

Joss and I are soaking up the Maine sun at her kiddy pool, napping under a fan, and sharing Popsicles.  We go for little walks and stay in our pjs til way past noon.  Life is so good!


Saturday, June 29, 2013

Mileage

What an extremely busy week we have had!  I have not been diligent about blogging this month because we have been too busy living!

Last Saturday, on the 22nd Joss had her first birthday party.  She loves the attention and all the company!  We ate yummy pizza and Jossy tore up her smash cake!  She got some great presents and was the perfect little guest of honor.  I can't believe my baby girl crossed another milestone.  

Last Sunday we set out to drive across the country to Maine.  We left at 12 and made it as farm as Florence, South Carolina.  The first day was a little rough on Josslyn because she hates to sit for a long period of time.  Thank God for the portable DVD player.

The second day of driving, we drove to Hersey, PA.  Joss was excellent and made the travel very easy.  She did however have a difficult time falling asleep in the hotel.  I feel badly because she mostly ate junky food on the trip.  She didn't complain.

The third day we made it to Gilmanton, NH.  Joss met her Auntie and Uncle Billy for the first time.  They both spoiled her rotten, including hosting 3rd birthday festivities!  It had been 17 years since I saw my Auntie.  Way too long.  But we quickly fell into the ease that come from love and being family.  We stayed 3 days and had such a fun and relaxing visit.

Yesterday, we made the last 7 hour drive to Maine.  Again, I couldn't have asked her a better behaved baby.  We are settling in to Grammy and Grampy's house and really feeling the loss of Grampy.  He is loved, missed, and remembered.  We will spend the next 3 weeks breathing in the fresh Maine air and exploring a little nature.

In the hush of the cool and damp night, I am listening to my baby girl sleep deeply and peacefully.  This is the feeling I want to hold onto.  I am so happy that I get to share the serenity of my childhood home with Joss.  I hope it shapes her and that she always carries the calm of this rural treasure with her.


Thursday, June 20, 2013

Birthday baby

Today Josslyn turned 1.  She was so full of it all day long.  We sang and played.  I spent some time preparing for her big 1 year old birthday bash on Saturday.  We met the Barrett family at Red Lobster for dinner.  Josslyn loved seeing them but she sure was a handful!  1 year old and already seeking trouble :). Trouble better run :)

Tuesday, June 4, 2013

Week in review

•First fever
•Blotchy Rash
•Fussy and Tired
•Taking baths in the big tub
•Saying doggy, ducky, and baby
•Watched her first cartoon movie
•Sang along with the peguins
•Climbs in her rocking chair and rocks
•Tries to climb back down the stairs
•Waves goodnight and blows kisses to Grammy 

Wednesday, May 29, 2013

The Park

Tonight we went to park and met Aunt Amy and the kids there.   Josslyn did so well!  She walked, went down the slide, climbed up the slide, kissed baby Jacob, and terrorized James.  She had so much fun and it made me realize its time to get my baby girl out and about more often!

Tuesday, May 28, 2013

A Peace Flag

This week has brought peaceful bed times.  It's almost as if Josslyn is saying "I'll teach you to blog about me."  She has gone down easy for the past 4 days. That's my baby!  Always keeping me guessing.

Memorial weekend was simple and relaxing.  We did a little swimming and shopping, but mostly stayed close to home.  It was so nice just to play and hang  with my daughter.

Less than a month and she will turn 1!  Where is the pause button?  And will she ever slow down enough to let me hold and cuddle her?  At least there is no acceleration in the World that can keep me for loving her.  And there liess the constant! 

Wednesday, May 22, 2013

Disturbing the Peace

Okay, I've heard of the terrible 2s, but the terrible 11 months?  Grammy and I went out to eat with Josslyn tonight and what a complete menace to society :). She screamed, threw food, banged on the table, and mean mugged everyone!  Including me!  Mom said that Jeter woke her from her nap too early and after that display of terror, I know she didn't sleep enough.  Tonight she went down to bed without a fight because she left it all at the restaurant.  I thought about leaving her at the restaurant, but even when she's grumpy she's still pretty darn cute and Grammy would have been mad at me :)


Monday, May 20, 2013

"Do not go gentle..."

Josslyn is 11 months old today.  She embraced the morning with a smile and said good bye to the day with a series of tortured wallows.  That seems to be the phase we are into these days.  My sweet adapting baby does not go gentle into that good night.  Eventually, she cries herself to sleep, but my heart breaks at how upset she is when it's time for bed.  She's exhausted, but so determined to let me and the Universe know that she does not want to close her eyes just yet.  I have never been one that has had trouble finding my voice, and it's apparent, my daughter doesn't either!  I take pride in the fact that I'm able to let her cry it out because my heart wants to just pick her up and give in to take away her sorrow.  Luckily, my head and momma voice tell me that I need to be strong because my daughter needs sleep and this is what is best for her.  Knowing that I am able to balance my desire to nurture and my need to set boundaries gives me hope that I might get this mom gig right every now and then!  As all Mommas know, there is nothing in the World that makes you feel more insecure and vulnerable than being a mother.  I will take every little triumph I can get.
 
Dream big my little 11 month old.  I hope you always find your voice and never give in too easily!

Saturday, May 18, 2013

Sugar and Sass

My child wore me out today! She will not sit still in a shopping cart or find contentment riding in a carseat. She grabs for anything nearby on a shelf, kicks off her shoes and throws them in public, and whines until I hold her! On days like today, I am happy and excited to see her in the morning, and I'm equally as excited when she falls asleep at night!



Thursday, May 16, 2013

Inside Out

Josslyn walked on her own tonight, without prompting! Little by little she is gaining confidence and learning to trust herself. One of my greatest hopes is that she will always find her strength within even when the world tries to break her down. I owe it to her to help her feel as sure about herself as I feel about her.

Sunday, May 12, 2013

Mother's Day

It was our first Face to face Mother's Day today. People keep wishing me a happy first Mother's Day but the truth is I felt very much like a mother last year when she was still growing in my belly. A mother's love and work begins at conception.

I had a relaxing day loving my child, just like any other Sunday. As always I feel so fortunate and lucky to have her. I also always feel blessed to have my mother.

Joss swam in the pool for the first time today. She did pretty well. She doesn't love it yet, but she was curious and brave and loved being with James, Stella, and Thomas.

So happy Mother's Day, today and always!





Saturday, May 11, 2013

Stepping out

Yesterday, right in the middle of dinner, my baby girl took her first unassisted steps! She is 10 days shy of 11 months!

Tuesday, May 7, 2013

Getting by

It's the little things. A game of peek a boo, an unexpected kiss. A sudden explosive giggle at the dog, sneaking by me to climb the stairs. The sound of mamamama, or splash time in the tub.

This is how I get through the day.