The balancing act

This is my 28th week of pregnancy.  At times, this experience seems to be flying by so quickly.  Other times, I just want Josslyn in my arms, already.  Given that I didn't even realize I was pregnant for the first 11 weeks, I know I am blessed to be this far along without complications.  Today, I had my glucose test.  It's amazing how much a baby can change the way you percieve and care for your body.  What I wouldn't do for myself, I will easily do for her and her health.  Thinking about that, I begin to worry that I will be one of those moms who immerse themselves in motherhood and don't leave any time to care for themselves.  As much as I already love this little girl, I want to make sure that leave time in my day to take care of my needs and health.  I want her to see me as strong, independent, and confident.  I want to be someone she can look up to and depend upon.  The only way to ensure that is take care of myself.  There is so much to worry about being a mother, the least I can do is take my mental and physical health out of the equation by making time for it.  After all, it is for her.  Everything from this point is and I've never been happier at a prospect.

Nesting

I have had such tremendous anxiety about Josslyn's nursery not being completed by the time she arrives.  I think one of the greatest pitfalls of being pregnancy is loss of independence that occurs as pregnancy limits your mobility.  I have to depend on others to move heavy things, lift, or climb.  Thank God my older brother is around and has agreed to help decorate her nursery.  And though his sense of urgency to complete the task is far, far less than mine, he takes such great care in the work that he does do.  So far he has painted the walls and created a beautiful mural of tree on the wall where her crib will go.  I am beyond happy with the results.  It looks beautiful.  Now, we just have to get the room cleared out, the nursery furniture painted and rearranged in the room.  Though progress has been made, the remaining job has me so nervous!  I just want it done already!  In my mind, a complete room symbolizes that I am ready for her.  It means there is a place in my life waiting that is all hers.  A place where she can feel safe, grow, and be nurtured.  Who knew a room could say so much?

Ripple Begins

My momma felt Jossy kick for the first time tonight.  I am thrilled to be able to share her presence with someone.  I'm glad that someone is her grandmother, who loves her almost as much as I do.  It makes me happy that my momma got to experience Jossy's awesomeness.  But there is a small part of me, a selfish dark spot, that feels a little sad that it's no longer just she and I.  I had her all to myself for months and now little by little, her universe will expand, and more people than just me will begin to revolve around her.  Believe me, she will pull us all into her being.  Her power is limitless, like the sun.

I wonder if she is aware of her strength?  Does she know how fiercely I love her and how much I prayed for her to come into my life?  Just by being she has altered paths, restored faith, and defined purpose.  My little goddess, hatching sunsets in my heart, that only I am aware exist.

Super Girl

    Even in utero, this child holds such tremendous power over me.  I'm 26 weeks pregnant and already I eat, breath, sleep, and dream this baby girl.  The day I found out I was pregnant, I ceased in being who I was, and became her mom, a better version of myself.  Though I am uncertain and filled with fear, I have never felt more balanced or more ready for the unknown.  Not a day or even an hour goes by when I don't feel blessed and recognize this gift:  Josslyn. 
   I find myself distracted with thoughts on who this little gift is and who she will become.   I already know she is powerful.  She leads and commands, keeping me from vices that aren't healthy for either one of us.  I only hope I can foster that and be the model of a strong woman that all little girls should have in their lives.  I also know she is gentle, as she has been kind to my body and let's me know of her presence in subtle and soft ways; a thump here, small pressure there.  She allows me to eat what I want and always seems satisfied.  It's as if she's already saying, "It's okay momma, we got this."  She has me so calm and so balanced, I have to believe she is like her father and is laid back.  Now, given that she is half me, I know there will be fire and spunk in her, as well.  If she is a mix of her father and I in that regard, it will be a nice balance. 
   I feel like there is already so much to say about this unborn child.  I want to tell the world my hopes and dreams for her.  I want to retrace every move of her day inside my bell.  I want to express and seek to relieve all my fears about parenting her.  But I know there will be time.  Time to get to know her outside of the womb.  Time for me to make and learn from mistakes.  Time for me to write about all the wonder and joy she will bring to me life.  Time for me to love.