My Jossy in a Box

Six weeks old tomorrow!  We've had such a busy week.  Josslyn had her first road trip last Tuesday!  We drove down to Sanibel with my friend Lee.  My baby is such a little trooper.  She was perfect.  I can add adapting to her list of qualities.  For the past two nights Josslyn has slept for 8 hours a night! I'm not sure if this is a habit yet, but I sure hope so!  We have been working hard on a schedule.  I think it may start to be paying off!  But if there is one thing I know, Jossy is a little unpredictable!  She will keep me guessing!  So far, it always ends in a pleasant surprise.

Freeze Frame

My baby girl is almost 5 weeks old. She is growing out of newborn sizes and I cried tonight when I looked at her newborn pictures from the hospital. Is this how time will be measured from now on? Will the moments just flash by? Oh, how I wish I had a freeze button to capture my time with Joss. I waited so patiently for her and now I just want everything to slow down.We are working on a feed and eat schedule. This beautiful child of mine is so unpredictable. I already see that she bucks systems. It's fair to say she comes by that honestly. But I will continue to try to get her on a schedule because it is what's best for her. It is what's best for me. It is what is best for us. Right now she often stays up longer than she should after feeding, or falls asleep too soon and wakes too soon before her next feeding. She rarely goes down at 7 and sometimes will go a 6 hr stretch in the night and other times wakes every 3 hours to feed. With every move, she wants to be in charge. I fear there will be years of this power struggle. Im sure those moments are the ones I'll wish I could fast forward.Schedule or not, we are finding our groove. We are blending into each other. I love being Josslyn's mom. And I know this is a feeling that will be frozen into existence as long as I breathe.

Hiatus

If someone asked me what my life was like before I became a mother, I'm not sure I could accurately answer that. I know that I've only held my baby for about 5 weeks, but I became a mother the second I found out I was pregnant. I ceased to be who I was and became my true self, my better self. I left Joss for the first time Saturday night to go out with a friend. I was gone about 4 hours and I actually thought I would feel more guilty about it than I did. Mind you, I left her with my mom and she slept the entire time. I was surprised at how ready I was to have a glimpse of what my life was before Josslyn. A brief reminder of who I am aside from being a mom. It was a nice place to visit for a short time, but I'm so glad I dont live there any more.

So It Begins

Baby Joss is starting to grow out of many of her newborn clothing. Today she began to wear size 1 diapers! And so it begins: the heartbreak that only a parent can feel as they realize when it comes to raising babies, time moves way too quickly!

Night songs

I recently read blog posts about women who transition their babies to a crib because the babies are too noisey during the night. Josslyn either sleeps with me in the bed or beside me in a bassinet and I am so comforted by her little coos, grunts, and gurgles. It reminds me that she is healthy and safe and there is no greater song! 4 weeks old today and I could cry. It seems like only yesterday I was feeling her kick in my belly. As I lay here and listen to her night serenade, I can't help feel a sense of pride and accomplishment. I created the most beautiful music ever to exist!

Catching Up

I was reminded by a dear friend tonight to catch up on my blog.  So much has happened since my last post.  Let me rephrase that:  EVERYTHING has happened since my last post.  My beautiful baby girl has made her debut into the world.  After 36 hours of labor and a C-section, she rocked my world on June 20th, 2012.  She weighed 7 pounds, 1 ounce and was 19 and 1/2 inches long.  I have never loved anything or anyone as much as this child.  She is everything I hope she would be and more.  I honestly can't even imagine that I really existed before her.  I wish I would have blogged about her birth closer to when it occurred, because I think it would be a little more raw and honest.  After a month of being Josslyn's mom, the only thing I can remember is how amazing it was to hear her cry and how incredibly blessed I felt when I first held her in my arms.  I would experience labor 100 times over for her. Looking back I know that dealing with the pain of the C-section was difficult and adjusting to the lack of sleep was torture, but the immense joy I feel from motherhood trumps all the pain, worry, and shock I felt.  I was so ready for her.  We were ready for each other.

Jossy is turning 4 weeks old tomorrow.  I could cry that I no longer have a newborn.  She is healthy and sweet and spirited.  She is beyond perfect.   Well, perfect for me any way.  She is good natured and generally happy.  She is strong willed and knows what she wants.  I knew her in utero and I know her now.  She ebbs and I flow. 

There will be much to write about my baby girl.  For now I'll say motherhood is the most difficult, yet most wonderful experience of my life.  I'm sure I will never feel caught up with this blog or with life.  But if it's Jossy that I'm running behind, I can so live with that.


                                                                            1 hour old

4 weeks old